I’m Not a Good Mom

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I’m not a good mom.

I’m not a bad mom, but I’m never good enough when I compare myself to really good moms. Like the ones who are constantly gushing about their children on Facebook or Twitter. I sometimes wonder if I would have slit my wrists if those things had been around when my boys were little. None of my Facebook friends’ statuses ever say “Losing my mind. Thinking about hiring a baby sitter and never coming back.” Oh, I’m guessing a few of them have thought it, but that’s not what they broadcast to the virtual world (for good reason).

You see, this mom has never measured up to what a good mom is supposed to be.

I’ve never been one of those moms who misses her children terribly while they’re at school. I love school. We home school now…and I don’t love it. Every year I hope that this will be the year that I fall in love with educating my children so I can be like the really good moms. So far, no. Maybe next year.

And what kind of mom doesn’t miss her kids when she’s gone for a weekend, or feel like breast feeding was the closest thing to heaven ever experienced? When I see young moms packing around their babies in those sling things, I cringe. That would have driven me crazy…er. Thank God it was OK to plop them in the stroller. While I’m at it, thank God for the five point harness and THANK GOD for baby food from a jar because I was too lazy to make my own!

What’s wrong with me?

This is the question I’ve been asking God for years.

His answer? “Nothing. Let’s talk about what’s right with you.”

I’ve been prompted to make a list that looks something like this:

*I love my sons fiercely. Nobody messes with them without meeting the Mama Bear. Just ask them.

*I pray like crazy for my kids. I know God has BIG plans for their lives and I want them to LOVE HIM more than anything in this world.

*If…no, when the devil messes with my kids, he messes with me. I fight back. My God is a warrior God. I am his daughter, therefore I am a warrior princess and I battle accordingly. Spiritual warfare is real and my children know it.

*I am head over heels in love with my sons’ daddy and they don’t have to wonder whether true love exists or not.

*Nobody plans and executes a better birthday party than me. Nobody.

*I think my sons are hilarious. They make me laugh daily…which helps when they make me want to cry. Mothering is HARD.

*My cooking isn’t half bad. Nobody’s going hungry.

For now, that’s what I’ve got. It’s not perfect, but maybe it’s good enough. Maybe good enough is good enough.

This Sunday is Mother’s Day. My husband and my sons will go out of their way to honor me and make me feel special. They’ll take me to lunch and give me cards that will make me cry. I’ll read the messages of what a great mom they think I am and I’ll feel the familiar sick feeling in my stomach that believes differently.

Or I can choose to humble myself and receive the grace that God so generously offers. I can resist the negative messages that tell me I’ll never be good enough, ask forgiveness for believing the lies that I could be good without God to begin with, and drop to my knees in surrender to the Only One who will make anything good come from this mother. (James 4:7-10)

Maybe you’re reading this and can relate to not feeling like a good mom. I want to challenge you today, right where you’re at to begin to ask God to show you what you’re doing right. Grab a piece of paper, your smart phone, whatever…and make a list. He wants to speak truth and life over you today. Then take your list and thank Him for giving you the grace to allow Him to fill in your mothering gaps. He is more than able to do that and a whole lot more. The greatest thing we will ever do for our children is to trust God.

Let me say that again.

The greatest thing we will ever do for our children is to trust God.

It would be an honor to pray for you today.

Gracious God, I thank You for the mother who is reading this post today. I thank You that YOU are more than enough for everything she lacks. Strengthen her. Speak tenderly to her. Give her space. Grant her the rest that her body and mind so desperately need. May this Mother’s Day be different because she chose to humble herself and allow You to raise her up. Increase her faith so that she may trust You more than she has ever dared before. In the beautiful name of Jesus…Amen.

Feel free to leave a comment. If you share something you don’t want me to publish, just say so. I will always respect your privacy.

Happy Mother’s Day.

This Post Has 10 Comments

  1. Kris M

    You are amazing – not just as a mom but more importantly, as a woman who loves God with all her heart, soul, mind and strength. I am privileged to have you for a friend – thank you for being vulnerable, real, sincere and hilarious (all necessities for survival in this crazy world). Had someone ask me just last night – “What can you and God agree with about you today?” If God won’t agree with what you say about yourself, then it isn’t worth thinking about. Love you so much!

    1. Nichole

      Thank you, Kris. Your friendship and encouragement has been a lifeline to me over the years. I love that question!!! So good! Love you so much!

      1. Kim

        Wow, that was awesome my friend…..I was totally blessed by knowing someone else feels the same way. love you bunches. Would love to catch up sometime.

        1. Nichole

          Thank you, Kim. What a gift to know we’re not alone. I would loooooove to catch up. Loves!

  2. Linda Reece

    Tears running down my face as I read this! So real and so raw 🙂 I am now a Grandma and live with some regrets as a Mom but oh so many more good feelings as I try and use those feelings on my grandchildren. I trust God with all my heart and it helps with the mothering/grandmothering gig! God bless you :):)

    1. Nichole

      Thank you, Linda. Grandmothers are proof that God is all about second chances. 🙂

  3. Lynnette Dobberpuhl

    Very good thoughts! My boys are almost grown up and while they seem to be doing pretty well, I still get that sick “not a good mom” feeling. It is worse now, in fact, because there is less and less I can offer them as they pick up the reins of their own lives. You have a helpful and hopeful theme here, for realistic moms who are done with projecting the fantasy. Thanks!

    1. Nichole

      Thank you, Lynette. Your comment is encouraging and I so appreciate it!

  4. Lois Pike

    Thank you so much. I am a working single mom and when I come home at night I just want to sit around the TV and veg out completely. I feel guilty because I don’t play games with my children on game night. I work long hours. I am not there for them enough and the list goes on. But…… I love them more than anyone else in the world could love them. So thanks so much for giving me hope that I am not alone.

    1. Nichole

      Lois, His grace is sufficient for us. It has to be. Believe Him and be amazed at what He can do with your ‘enough’. You are SO NOT ALONE.

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